Hope's Definitions

Hope is defined as the desire to have something come true. Hope in my life has been my desire to meet my birth parents. My birth parents were not financially stable at the time when I was born, and she already had one child to raise. Because of these problems, I was given up for adoption at the moment I was born. A woman named Sheryl Pelton had known that I was going to be put up for adoption, and was able to adopt me and take me home at seven hours of age. Sheryl has always been a wonderful parent, an extraordinary role model, and has always been honest about my birth parents. As soon as I was able to understand what the term "adoption" meant, Sheryl explained it to me, and has always been willing to extrapolate on any concerns I may have. I have always desired to know as much as possible about my birth parents, but to fully know them, I must meet them. I have always wished to meet them, but I have not been able to find any information on their current whereabouts. I feel that being adopted has made me a different person than I would have been had I been raised by my birth parents. I have several issues which I hope to someday have resolved by the meeting of my birth parents.

The first and biggest issue that I hope to have resolved when I finally meet my birth parents is the issue of trust. I am very slow to trust people, for I am always afraid that they will be dishonest and hurt me. I think my adoption is the origin of this; a baby subliminally trusts that their parents will always be there, and my birth parents were not. I value trust very highly and if one loses my trust, it is extremely difficult to earn it back. I have been hurt several times through dishonesty, and I do not wish to repeat this process. I also hope to someday be able to trust people more readily. I hope that this will be resolved when I meet my birth parents. I believe it will resolve this issue because getting to know my birth parents will force me to learn to trust them, and hopefully stop me from being so anxious about trust.

A second issue I have to deal with because of my adoption is my biggest fear: being alone. When I say being alone, I mean without friends, without loved ones, without anyone who cares about me. I have had a boyfriend leave me, and also one who I thought was my best friend. Both of these incidents left me feeling very alone. I came out of this feeling of loneliness by realizing that I am not alone, for I have a wonderful boyfriend who cares about me very much. My fear of being alone stems from my adoption because my birth parents, even though they left me in the care of a wonderful mother, still left me all the same. I hope to have this fear dissolved when I finally meet my birth parents, because hopefully they will accept me with open arms. If they do, I believe my fear of being left alone will disappear, because they will be back in my life and hopefully reassure me that they never wished to leave me.

The third issue I have that is a result of my adoption is identity. I truly do not know who I am, because I know nothing about my background. All I know about my birth family is that my parents were not married, my mother had strawberry-blonde hair, and both of my parents lived in another county. All I know about my heritage is that I am Irish and Italian. Heritage is important in my mind because I feel it gives you a certain place in the world, and gives you a concrete definition of who you are in your own mind as well as other's. Since I do not know more than 'I am Irish and Italian,' I am lacking the knowledge that I feel is necessary to feel whole as a person. Also, if I were to ever have a medical disorder or disease, doctors cannot determine if it is genetic or not, which might in fact prove dangerous to my health. I hope that by meeting my birth parents I might find out more about my past and possibly my life at the moment that would help me to succeed in life.

Hope has two types of definitions: dictionary definitions, and personal definitions. The dictionary definition of hope is the desire to have something come true. My personal definition is my desire to meet my birth parents, which will resolve all of the issues caused by my adoption. I also hope to develop a good relationship with my birth parents, and to become close to them. I have a very complex hope, and someday maybe it won't be just a hope anymore.